Step Darkly Read online

  “Speaking of which, why did your stepmother say you were broke?” He asks, reminding me I failed to tell him everything earlier.

  “Because, I am. My father’s last wishes were that I learn the company under Joshua’s guidance. I guess since I left to go to school, Joshua has been working his way into my father’s heart and he has left him in charge of everything, including me, for one year.” I answer then take a sip of the berry-flavored liquid.

  “But what about your own money?” He asks, sipping from his mug along with me.

  “I was using the trust fund as my account. It all got frozen when the bank was notified.” I bobble my head to finish the rest of the sentence for me. I haven’t talked to anyone yet about my father’s passing. I’m just not ready.

  “Oh wow…” His words trail off as he begins to process what I’ve been trying to accept over the last two days.

  I shift in my seat and take another sip as I let the silence float around us. This is the first minute of real peace I’ve felt since I landed in this city.

  I need more time with my own thoughts. Tomorrow, I’ll head to my father’s home and the chaos inside of me will begin to grow all over again. Then I visit this new school, get settled at work and prepare for my Father’s funeral on Thursday.

  After that, I need to say goodbye to Kyle and the life I won’t be returning to.

  “What are you thinking about?” Kyle’s question startles me and I take a second to look at him before responding.

  He’s been the closest thing I’ve had to family since I left home to go to school. He knows the most about me.

  “I can’t come home with you.” I choke on my answer. He already knows this but saying it again, out loud, is more my own realization than as a reminder for him.

  “I know. Come here.” Leaning forward, he sets his tea down then opens his arms to offer me comfort and, placing my own cup on the table, I crawl across the cushion in between us into his embrace.

  “I don’t know if I’m strong enough to be here for a year without my father, Kyle. I don’t know if I can play their game.” Tears and soft sobs follow my words as I bury my face into his chest.

  His soft shushes soothe my hurting heart as he rocks gently and runs his fingers through my hair.

  “I’ve been thinking about that, Emilia.” He begins, then pauses as if unsure of himself. Then after a silent minute, he continues. “You said Joshua transferred you to this school easily enough. Maybe I can talk to my instructors about transferring to be out here with you.” My body stiffens at his idea. “Are you okay? You feel tense.”

  “I…” I stutter out the start of a sentence I have no intention of finishing. I’m just trying to buy some time to compose myself. “I’m surprised is all.”

  My first thought at his suggestion was Joshua and how this news would upset him. But knowing he would be upset didn’t make me happy like it should.

  I felt guilt. But guilt for what? Outside of my father’s will, I am not Joshua’s. His first loyalty will always be to his mother and himself. They are probably sitting around my dad’s table discussing how long it will take them to get rid of me this year.

  “I know it’s a lot to take in, but I’m starting to think this is something we should talk about. Joshua and his mother did nothing to comfort you tonight. You have no one here who is truly concerned for your well-being but me. Now I’m talking as your boyfriend. Do you want me to stay?”

  Just as I’m about to answer him, my phone vibrates in my pocket. Pulling it out, I check the lock screen for the name of the sender.

  It’s Joshua.

  20

  Joshua

  Please accept my apology for tonight. I would like the chance to talk to you about it on Sunday. Sleep well. Message in the morning.

  Staring at the unsent message on my phone, my fingers trace lazily over the worn shoe box I found in Emilia’s fort. Sylvia wasn’t kidding when she said it was run down, but I could tell instantly, Adam and Emilia worked long and hard to build it together.

  Their names are still written in permanent black marker on the wall inside. I never knew about that place. In all of my time living and visiting Adam, it was their secret. That fort was something special she shared with her father.

  Instantly, I felt like I did in high school. Like an outsider, never quite fitting in. But this time it's different. That feeling I had back then wasn't me being left out, it was the desire to fit in. And not with anyone, with Emilia. I wanted to be the one who had these secrets with her. How did I not see this sooner?

  Laying in the corner was the shoe box. It wasn’t wrapped, but faded pencil crayons all over the surface show that Emilia took the time to decorate it in her own way, just for me.

  Picking it up, I could feel something was still inside but for all I know now, a small animal could have crawled in it and died.

  I haven’t brought myself to open it yet.

  Sprawled out across my bed, I can’t stop thinking about Emilia. I wish things went differently tonight. I wish she was sleeping safely in the room beside me.

  I wish she was lying in this bed with me.

  And I wish I could go back to this day. The day I left her alone on her first teen birthday.

  Unconsciously, my fingers begin picking at a corner of the box.

  She had turned thirteen when this box was last open. Our parents were divorcing and my mother had moved out by this time. I ended up staying with Adam. They agreed it was less disruptive for me. I was starting my final year of high school and I had all of my friends around me.

  Sylvia was right. I didn’t give Emilia much thought back then. I was filled with a lot of anger at her for telling Adam lies and making their separation difficult. She seemed to always be there when things were going wrong for me and it always felt like she tried to make it worse.

  Oddly enough, this was the last birthday she ever asked me to celebrate with her. Then after she graduated, she was gone. There was no goodbye.

  It wasn’t until she left that I felt a loss for her. I even asked Adam if I could join him over Christmas when I heard she was coming home for a visit. I had hoped our distance had settled her anger as well, but it didn’t. I will never forget the disappointed look on her face when she walked into the house, gifts in hand only to find me, the one person she obviously didn't want to see.

  The sound of a dull rip catches my attention as I realize I’ve begun tugging at the corner of the box.

  If there is a dead animal in here, I don’t want it in my room anyway, I tell myself as my fingers begin to curiously travel along the lid.

  Chances that she kept the gift she got me are slim. If I was treated as badly as I treated her on her own birthday, I would have destroyed it a long time ago.

  The cardboard has become soft from exposure over the years and the box opens without effort. Pink tissue lines the inside of the box and, from the inside, it almost looks like it was wrapped yesterday.

  My breath catches in my throat as I begin to open the thin wrap, then suddenly my own heart skips a beat. Staring back at me is my favorite photo of me and my dad, the one she knocked over that day I left her alone on her birthday.

  I remember everything so clearly now. I was so mad. I yelled at her and wouldn’t give her a chance to speak. I left everything there on the floor when I left the house. Later, when I returned, the photo was gone and everything was cleaned up. I thought it was thrown out with the day's trash. Not taking the photo with me was always a regret of mine because I thought it was gone for good.

  But this isn’t what is pulling at my heart. The frame I made for it in shops class is here too. Emilia must have taken everything and spent some of her own birthday trying to fix it for me. I can tell she did it herself because of the pink sparkly glue along the lines where the frame broke.

  I would have been furious with her for doing this back then. I would have seen it as her trying to make my special photo hers with these sparkles.

  Now I jus
t see how bad she must have felt. I didn’t have much left of my life with my dad and she must have felt horrible for breaking one of my only memories. And she sat there alone on her birthday trying to fix it for me.

  And now the tables are reversed. She’s coming home to a place that feels foreign and she only has her memories of her father now.

  And it was my mother’s turn to smash her pretty picture in front of Kyle and I, and I’m not the one who is fixing her with sparkly glue right now.

  Right now she is with Kyle and everything is wrong. My soul feels like it has just put its pants on backwards.

  He isn’t what is right for her and it’s best he is leaving after the funeral. Emilia needs to immerse herself in a healthy routine. She’ll be more focused on herself and her father’s wishes.

  And she’ll be more focused on me.

  The selfish thought overpowers me. I can’t deny my needs. I can’t act on them right now, but I can’t lie to myself.

  Searching my truth, I know deep down I want her here for the year. I wanted it the moment Adam asked me my thoughts on his will and if I’m being completely honest, in the end, I want her for myself. But it isn’t a greedy need I feel. I want her for myself because I know deep down, I am what she needs.

  I want to correct our past and bury all of these hatchets that keep distracting us. Emilia is her father’s daughter. She’s proven that by paying all but $8.36 back to the trust fund that should have been all hers to use up.

  She did this all by herself and only for herself. No one here knew what she was doing, not even Adam. She didn’t do it for praise. Anyone else would have taken the money, put it into their own account and never looked back.

  She has a rare strength. I’m drawn to her fire like a moth to a flame; I can’t help but gravitate into her.

  There is no one better to run Adam’s company with. For now, our focus is on Adam. I’ll make the last minute arrangements for his celebration of life and we’ll say our final goodbyes to one of the greatest men I’ve ever known. This week will devastate Emilia but I’ll do everything I can to make sure she has what she needs.

  Then Kyle will leave. Once he’s gone, I’ll begin to work on earning her trust.

  Picking my phone up, I open it to the message I had typed out to Emilia. I know I asked her to message in the morning, but I can’t leave tonight as it is.

  Pressing send, I turn off my phone and place it on the nightstand. Whether she does or doesn’t respond will keep me up and I need to get some sleep. I’ll check my phone in the morning.

  Then, placing Emilia’s gift on the table beside my phone, I slide under my covers and take a long look at the photo. But it isn’t the lost image of my dad and I, holding my attention. Closing my eyes to sleep, the last thing I see are the pink sparkles in the cracks of my frame.

  21

  Emilia

  Every time I open the doors to this house, it feels less and less like my home. My heels clack against the marble in the foyer as I close the large door behind me and turn to face my unwelcoming space.

  A door near the back of the house shuts behind the footsteps that sound as though they are headed in my direction and I stop still for a moment hoping it isn’t Joshua.

  Sylvia’s face lights up as she enters into the front hall.

  “There you are, my dear. I was worried about you. Mr. Darkly told me you texted him this morning to tell him you were fine, but I still worry.” She circles me to help with my jacket and gives my arms a little squeeze.

  I know she heard everything last night. She knows where I stand right now. Hell, I’m not even standing. I’m more sitting… cowering, maybe.

  “I’m fine, Sylvia. I just needed to get away from her.” I answer quietly and she nods, understanding my meaning.

  “No need for low voices. Joshua is in the office making some funeral arrangements.” She offers and I’m instantly saddened he didn’t come down to greet me. What the hell is wrong with me?

  “Oh.” Everything to honor my father has been planned without me. I’m merely a guest at Joshua’s event. Nothing is mine anymore.

  My anger begins to boil to the surface. I’m being excluded from everything. No one knows my father like I did, certainly not Joshua.

  “Oh, Dear. I know this must be hard on you. I miss your father every day. He was the kindest man I ever had the chance to work for.” Sylvia’s words pull me out of my downward spiral.

  It took Kyle all of last night and most of today to build me up to coming back here. I haven’t seen him yet and I already want to tear him a new one.

  “He was and I know you do, Sylvia. He considered you so much more than an employee. So do I.” I stop talking as I notice tears well in her eyes.

  Sylvia is my family and this is my home. The thought surprises me as the realization sinks in.

  My father set this in motion because he was worried about me and because I never told him everything I should have instead of running away. My situation is all my fault. Cordelia can call me whatever she wants… I’m no victim, and it’s time I show Joshua just what he’s up against.

  “Excuse me for a bit, Sylvia. I’m going to speak with Joshua.” The look of shock on her face matches how I feel inside but I need to start on better footing. This whole weekend has been a giant shit show and I’m done playing the roll of the doormat.

  Dropping my bag by the door, I kick off my shoes and head toward my father’s old office in the back of the house.

  As I near the office, I hear a combination of laughter and voices coming from inside. My instinct tells me to turn and leave. I’m not in the frame of mind to be ridiculed in front of anyone else right now.

  The fire I first felt has died and I turn to retreat as I hear a voice speak up inside the room.

  “Come in, Emilia.” Joshua’s words are direct. It isn’t a request.

  The low tone of the voices inside sound masculine, but Cordelia could still be in there. Bracing myself against that possibility, I take a deep breath and open the door.

  “Good morning. How did you know it was me?” I ask as I stretch my neck around the door to thankfully only see Joshua and Noah in the room.

  “Sylvia is the only other person in the house and she doesn’t hover outside of doors. She knocks.” I instantly feel like a child at his tone. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.

  “I was just going to give you some privacy, I can come back.” I offer and both men jump up at my words.

  “Nonsense. Please join us. This pertains to you.” Joshua answers.

  “Hi, Emilia. It’s nice to see you again.” Noah takes a step toward me, extending his hand to mine, then returns to his spot, tucking his wavy blonde hair behind his ear.

  “Hi, Noah. It’s nice to see you too.” I respond, then shift my attention to Joshua. “Sylvia tells me you were making plans for my father’s funeral.” I know my words were direct. I made a point of stressing Adam was my father, then I let it linger.

  “Yes, I was just asking Noah if he would join me in being a pallbearer. I know it would mean a lot to Adam.” He answers then offers me the same pause.

  "And you were laughing?" I ask.

  "Oh, no. I just reminded Joshua about the time Adam caught one of the admin staff in the filing room with one of our delivery guys. Adam had to talk to HR about what he saw and we've never seen his face so red." Noah offers, coming to his friend's defence.

  “I see." I begin. I'm not in a laughing mood, so I change the subject. "And who else are the pallbearers?” I decide to start slow.

  “Wilson and Manny were Adam’s closest friends outside of work and Benny, his old driver has asked if he could do the honor. So we have five. I thought-”

  Before he finishes his thought, I hear myself suggest the last name.

  “What about Kyle?” I blurt out and both men stiffen in their places as they exchange a glance with each other.

  “What about Kyle?” Joshua repeats my question back to me through gritted teeth and I alre
ady know he isn’t going to be happy with my suggestion.

  “Have you considered asking Kyle to be a pallbearer?” I shoot back. In all honesty, I have no idea why I’m shoving Kyle forward as a suggestion. I almost wish I could just carry him myself.

  “Emilia, your father never knew Kyle, and-”

  “But I know him. He is representing me.” I cut him off a second time.

  “I thought you would want Kyle to be there with you. All of the pallbearers are representing you, Emilia. I was thinking of asking Adam’s nephew.” His tone sounds sad and I feel my stomach begin to tighten and I don’t want to entertain my loss in front of these two.

  “He can still sit with me. If you don’t have a sixth, I would like it to be him.” I make my own request and Joshua stands still, a heavy silence weighing down on the room and Noah isn’t excusing himself which tells me he knows more about everything than I think he does.

  “I will consider it, Emilia but you need to be realistic. After the funeral, Kyle will be leaving. Things might not work out with you being apart from each other for a whole year. We should have a pallbearer who knew Adam and would be honored to-” As Joshua tries to manage my decision, I feel my defiance rise again.

  “I’ve told Kyle all about my dad. He’s not leaving me. He’s decided to move here to be with me.” I blurt out in an effort to balance back some of my control over the conversation.

  It’s the middle of a bright sunny day and we’re standing in a well-lit room without any inside lights on, but my entire surroundings feel like I was plunged into darkness and I'm rattled to my core with one word, growled out by Joshua.

  “WHAT?”

  22

  Joshua

  After my failed dinner with Emilia last night, this visit with Noah is just what I needed. We were instant best friends when he started at my school in grade nine and we grew almost inseparable because of our similarities and our differences.