Step Darkly Read online

  He’s not smiling, He’s not happy. If I didn’t know him, I would think it was a look of concern.

  “It’s an easy mistake. Why don’t I call in a reservation for you at The Plaza. It’s not far from here. Your stay will be covered. Emilia is lucky to have someone out here to support her in saying goodbye to her father.” Joshua’s words shock me. He sounds sincere as he looks at me and continues. “I’m sure you will want to get him settled and talk, Emilia. I’ll see you back here for dinner at five. Kyle, you are welcome to join us. I’d like to get to know you better.” He finishes and I can’t think of a single thing to say.

  This is it. Today, I’ll be cutting my ties with my former life. Today, I’ll be saying goodbye.

  “Thank you, Mr. Darkly.” Kyle answers and I swallow hard as I will my tears to retreat.

  “Please, call me Joshua.” He responds, then turns to me. “I have another guest coming tonight, Emilia.” He says flatly and I feel my heart tighten. Was Joshua just toying with me earlier? Does he have someone in his life? Why do I care?

  “Oh?” I question.

  “I wanted to give you a little notice. My mother will be joining us.” As his words register, my throat tightens and I suddenly find it hard to get air into my lungs.

  “Oh.” Is all I manage.

  That woman is the last person I want to see and now I need to deal with her while her son is holding my leash. How quickly I almost forgot about them both working together. If I’m going to survive this year, I need to focus. I can’t allow myself to become distracted by anything.

  “Kyle, I trust you’ll have Emilia back in time for dinner.” It’s not lost on me that this isn’t a question and Kyle shifts his stare between the two of us.

  I know he’s confused. When I left, I told him I’d be back within a week. I told him I was my father’s only immediate family. So much has changed.

  “Uh, sure, Joshua. We’ll see you at five?” His question is meant for me and I nod as he continues to answer Joshua. “Thank you, again.”

  “I need to get my things.” I mumble out. I no longer feel like I’m a part of the conversation as much as I am the topic of conversation and I need to get away from the house for a bit to breathe. I need to prepare myself before coming face to face with that horrible woman.

  “While Emilia gathers her belongings, I’ll get your information for the hotel.” Joshua offers and I turn to leave.

  Running up the stairs, I burst into my room and grab my bag and the luggage I brought. I don’t want to be here today if I can help it so I’ll shower at the hotel instead.

  Dragging everything I still own down the stairs, I look up to see Joshua and Kyle waiting for me at the front door.

  “Emilia, you look like you’re running away.” Joshua says as Kyle lets out a laugh beside him.

  “If only it were that easy.” I grumble and Kyle continues to smile, unaware of how much truth is in my words.

  Joshua knows it though. I see him adjust in his spot as his smile fades.

  “I’ve asked Niko, our driver, to take you to the hotel, then anywhere else you both need to go today.” Joshua picks the conversation back up and reaches behind Kyle to open the door as the sunny day pours into the foyer. “See you both at five then.”

  Walking between both men, I take a direct path toward the parked car and meet Niko at the trunk to stuff my belongings in.

  “So that’s Joshua.” Kyle states as he walks to his side of the car and opens the door.

  Shifting my eyes between him and our driver, I’m not sure how much to say in front of this guy. Niko replaced our old driver some time after I left and I don’t know him well enough to trust him with any conversations.

  “Kyle. I have a lot to tell you—at the hotel.” I respond slowly hoping he’ll take the hint, and he does.

  As the car begins down the driveway, I glance out the back window at the house I once called home. Standing in the open doorway motionless, is Joshua.

  16

  Joshua

  I’m Kyle. Emilia’s boyfriend.

  His voice has been grating over and over again in my head since they left this morning.

  She isn’t his to claim.

  She isn’t yours either.

  The voices in my head are in top form today and I take another sip of my drink in the hopes of shutting them up before everyone gets here.

  Replaying his arrival again in my mind, I take comfort in the feeling they haven’t been together long. There was no instant affection or desire to intimately connect as soon as she saw him. Rather, Emilia looked—uncomfortable.

  I can’t help the smile crossing my lips as I wonder if her discomfort is because of our earlier connection. Maybe it was guilt.

  Regardless of the emotion she’s feeling, I’m more concerned about my own emotions right now. I’ve felt disconnected from her since the car drove away. It didn’t feel right, letting her go with him. I have incredible control over everything in my life, except my feelings for Emilia.

  We’ve always been at odds with each other. None of this makes sense. She insults my family every chance she gets. She punished her own father and essentially ran away from home as soon as she could. She ran away from me. She challenges me on everything. Yet I still feel like there is something out of place. There is something wrong about all of this.

  “There you are, Joshua.” My mother’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts as she enters the dining room.

  Standing from my seat I walk over to greet her with a hug and a kiss on her cheek as she leans into me. I don’t get to see her as often as I would like now that she lives a few hours away but I am happy she has begun to see someone and her time is becoming occupied once again.

  “Thank you for coming back for the funeral, Mom. I appreciate you being here for me. Can I get you something to drink?” I ask as Sylvia enters the room and makes her way to the liquor cabinet as she listens for her response.

  “I’ll have a glass of red wine.” She answers, then straining her head around me she speaks to Sylvia directly. “But none of that cheap table wine Adam used to keep on hand.” Then meeting my disapproving gaze she pretends to be offended, “What?”

  “I’m sure she wasn’t going to get you any of the table wine.” I defend our housekeeper and I hear Sylvia mutter under her breath behind me… “Not anymore.”

  I stifle a smile as memories of our time together come back. These two never really did get along. I know my mother always thought it was because of Emilia.

  As she enters my thoughts again, I hear the front door open and voices drift into the room. Sylvia hands the wine to my mother and excuses herself to tend to our guests.

  “I guess that’s her then.” My mother takes a deep breath of air in and breathes out steadily.

  “Her and her boyfriend. Please give them a chance, Mother.” I ask.

  She pauses as she thinks about my request. I know Emilia made it difficult for my mother while she lived under this roof and I know I’m asking a lot. Adam became an important part of my life and I need to fulfil his last requests. I owe everything to him.

  “I’m doing this for you. Only you.” She answers, taking a sip of her wine.

  “I know. Thank you.” I nod as Emilia and Kyle enter the room.

  As soon as I get a scent of ginger, I feel my skin prickle. That’s what Emilia smells like. Sweet ginger. I first caught it in my office, but I didn’t recognize it as her smell until we were in the car together last night.

  “Can I get you two something to drink?” Sylvia follows the pair into the dining room and makes her way back to the bar.

  “I’ll have a white wine please, Sylvia.” Emilia asks softly.

  “I’ll have whatever he’s having.” Kyle points to the glass in my hand and Sylvia answers him to make sure he’d like to have a Rusty Nail and he nods. I’m pretty sure the guy has no idea what goes into it and I raise my glass in a cheers gesture.

  “Kyle, I’d like to introduce you to m y mother, Cordelia Connor.” It isn’t lost on me when I say her name, Emilia drops her head and takes a deep breath. I remember walking in on an argument between Emilia and Adam one day after the divorce because she didn’t change it back to her maiden name.

  Emilia wouldn’t listen to reason. My mother had already established a life under her married name and she didn’t want to go through the hassle of changing it again. Everyone understood this, except for Emilia.

  I stay still, watching Emilia as Kyle reaches out for my mother’s hand in introductions.

  Then stepping back to Emilia’s side, they both take their drink from Sylvia and I notice, only Emilia say thank you. As Sylvia excuses herself once again, I watch Kyle looking between my mother and I before speaking.

  “You are not a Connor?” He questions me directly and I immediately feel defensive with no idea why.

  “No. My mother and Emilia’s father had separated before any adoption avenues were pursued.” I answer flatly hoping to end the line of questioning but he keeps it going.

  “I’m sorry for your loss.” He offers his condolences as Emilia and my mother look to the floor. I keep my eyes on him, his expression doesn’t match his sorrow and I feel uneasy about his tone.

  “Thank you.” I answer cautiously then wait for what he’s getting at and he doesn’t disappoint me.

  “It’s bittersweet moments like this that reconnect you with your family. You must have missed your sister with her being away at school for so long.” His concern is empty and I try to work out what his plan is, then I see it, written all over Emilia’s face.

  Shame.

  He recognized me as competition the second he saw me today. The only way he can cut me back to his level is to reduce me to her brother, to something she would consider taboo. I was never her brother and something tells me he knows it. The way he examines me as he speaks tells me she’s already told him about our past.

  Before I open my mouth to try to pull back some of my standing with Emilia, my mother bursts out laughing, catching us all off guard.

  “Oh, Dear. Emilia hasn’t told you anything about this family. has she?” She uses air quotes to emphasize how wrong he is. I take a drink and let my mother continue since it looks like her answer is going to help me anyway. Pointing between Emilia and I, she chuckles. “These two hated each other. I’m sure underneath it all, they still do. After all, Emilia disliked anything that got between her and her father. I should know.”

  I sense Emilia tense up at her insinuation and I prepare to cut in myself when Sylvia opens the door from the kitchen and announces dinner.

  I breathe out a deep sigh and look at my mother who shrugs her shoulders in feigned innocence. I should have known this wasn’t going to be easy.

  Stepping back, I allow Emilia to pass and take the chair I know she used to sit at as I lead my mother around to the other side of the table, facing Emilia and Kyle. I decide to take the seat across from Emilia and help my mother into her chair beside me.

  I had four dinner settings placed around the table, leaving the head of the table empty. That has always been Adam’s chair and I can’t bring myself to sit in it yet.

  As we settle into our seats, Sylvia wheels a cart out from the kitchen with four bowls of soup. Serving the women first, I watch Emilia straighten when her bowl is placed in front of her. Then, smiling up at Sylvia, she’s met with a sneaky wink from our housekeeper.

  I know the chef’s cream of mushroom soup was always her favorite growing up. As she leans over to take in the smell, I hear my mother groan quietly beside me. She isn’t a fan of mushrooms in any form and I know this is also something Sylvia knows as the two ladies exchange a smile at my mother’s expense.

  I’m proud of my mother for recovering quickly as she asks Kyle about his studies at school and he starts to tell her all about the various psychology courses he’s taking. As he speaks, I notice he makes a point of touching Emilia. A quick squeeze on her hand, or his hand on her shoulder. I watch her as it happens and her reaction feels off.

  I know when I put my hand on Emilia’s back the first day, I saw her calm down. I felt her settle. But each touch feels tense to me but it’s lost on everyone else at the table.

  Kyle does most of the talking during our first course and I notice he’s speaking directly to the women at the table. I can’t quite tell if my mother is interested in what he is saying but I assume it is a better option for her then talking with Emilia so I sit and observe.

  While I don’t look directly at Emilia, I’ve been watching her constantly out of the corner of my eye and I know she’s taken a number of opportunities to look my way which excites me on a dark level.

  Just before our plates are cleared, I make a point of catching her watching me and she shies away quickly, setting off my primal side. I feel the need to chase her and make her look at me like that again.

  Sitting still as Kyle continues talking about his future work prospects, I watch as she attempts to focus on the last spoonfuls of her soup. Try as she is, she can’t hide from me though and I notice her face slowly redden as I refuse to look away.

  Our bowls are quickly cleared and dinner is served. Everyone looks happy with the grilled steak and shrimp and utensils begin to clank on the plates. As Sylvia places mine in front of me, I ask if she’d like to join us and she politely declines, making her way back into the kitchen.

  “That’s my boy.” My mother beams, speaking across the table to Kyle because Emilia hasn’t looked at her since we sat down. “He’s so philanthropic.”

  I pause at her choice of word, then it registers at the same time as Emilia’s head snaps her head up.

  “Sylvia is not a charity case, Cordelia.” Her words are short and I feel myself tense as I grip my knife and fork a little tighter, bracing for an outburst from Emilia.

  But instead, it is my mother who surprises me. Dropping her fork onto her plate, she sits back and crosses her arms. As I move my attention to look directly at her, I notice a gleeful grin stretch across her lips and I have no idea what she’s about to do.

  “No, Dear. I’m not talking about Sylvia. I only see one charity case here. Tell me, Emilia, how does it feel to be completely broke?”

  17

  Emilia

  The events of the last two days has sunk me into a deep haze. Absolutely nothing has gone the way I hoped it would and I feel helpless to dig my way out of the hole I’m sinking further into.

  Now I feel like a little sheep being herded along and I have no choice but to put one foot in front of the other and follow. My decisions are no longer my own. I have rules set by the one person who should have been packing their things and leaving Connor Realty for good.

  But no. I’m having dinner with him instead. And not only him. I have to sit at my father’s table and be kind to Joshua’s horrible mother; the wretched person who tried to bankrupt my dad.

  The one good thing about today has been Kyle.

  I didn’t realize how much I need him until the moment he walked through the door. He’s the only thing keeping me above water.

  It crushed me when I told him I had to stay here as part of my father’s wishes and I was transferring schools but he took it well and even offered to try to help me get out of this mess.

  He gave me the pep talk I needed to step foot back into this house for dinner, telling me everything in life is temporary until we find those things worth making permanent.

  I almost hit my breaking point early on when Joshua used my father’s name to introduce his mother. Hearing it feels like nails on a chalkboard.

  I know full-well she only kept his name for the prestige. It makes it easier to stay on A-lists. Everything that woman does is to further herself and Joshua seems more than happy to follow along.

  Thankfully, Kyle was there to squeeze my hand, reminding me I’m not alone. I have an anchor and I can do this. I can survive this year.

  I’m also grateful it is a dinner and there is plenty of food I can s tuff in my face to avoid conversation. I’m going to be eating a lot over the next year. I snicker to myself at the thought as I glance over to Joshua.

  He’s been uncharacteristically quiet and I feel anxious as my favorite soup is served. Looking up to Sylvia, she gives me a little wink just like she used to, reminding me I have her support as well and I smile back. I missed her so much.

  After my mother passed away, Sylvia slowly became the woman I went to for advice and support. She’s become very much like my second mom.

  Looking back to Joshua, he’s listening to the conversation between Kyle and his mother while he eats his soup and I suddenly feel uncomfortable.

  Just this morning, he had me pinned in the washroom. He’s never spoken to me like that, but here he sits, slurping his soup down like nothing happened. Was it all just a joke? Am I the fool, again?

  My heart and mind wage an internal war when I’m near him.

  My thoughts dissolve as Kyle’s hand squeezes my knee, reminding me to stay strong and I take a deep breath. I steal one last moment to look over at Joshua and his eyes burrow back into mine. Caught in my stare, his smirk breaks me out of my thoughts and I shove my eyes back to my food.

  My retreat feels so awkward and I’m stuck knowing Joshua knows I was looking at him. With nothing else to do, I gulp down my last spoons of soup as Sylvia comes back out to take them away, replacing them with dinner and I take a deep breath knowing I have a new plate full of food I can shove in my face for the next 10 minutes.

  Joshua asks Sylvia if she’d like to bring a plate out and join us and I hear her decline as she carries our bowls out of the room.

  “That’s my boy. He’s so philanthropic.” Cordelia’s voice scratches along my eardrums causing me to shiver. As her words register, I suddenly feel protective.

  “Sylvia is not a charity case, Cordelia.” I speak up and look her directly in the eyes for the first time since walking in the room.