Step Darkly Page 23
“I’m okay. Thanks.”
I watch her shadow move across the thin curtains as she moves to the next room.
Unfortunately, Ravenous is located in a nicer end of the city and one hundred dollars doesn’t buy much but I’m okay with it. This place will provide more privacy and it’s clean enough.
As my eyes land on the radio, I can’t believe it is almost eleven in the morning.
After I arrived last night, I put everything in a pile and it looks like it’s all still where I left it. The motel doesn’t have a business center so I had to log onto my own laptop which was something I wanted to avoid because I want to make sure I can’t be traced anywhere until I am on my way to wherever I’m going.
I kept my time online short and pulled up an old email I used when I was away in school. There’s no way I want to check my own email now. There are probably a dozen emails from Joshua telling me to fall in line and I’m not mentally ready for that yet.
I searched online and found Ravenous rather easily, but navigating the website proved to be more difficult. They don’t make it easy for anyone to just walk in and auction themselves off.
I had to provide a referral name and confirm I was over 21 before they would let me in to see the company contact information. It’s clear, they do not do business with minors. I ended up using Jessica’s name and I hope it doesn’t get her into trouble.
Even after initially getting in, there were a few larger links on contacting the company itself and, just as I was about to send an email, I noticed a small link near the bottom of the page titled ‘Auction Submissions’. Clicking the link took me to everything I needed and I felt like I had wandered into a restricted area.
The form to fill in was lengthy. First up was an NDA. It asked for a pseudonym for privacy purposes but stated that I will be required to show my real ID and sign a physical NDA under my real name once I am accepted and on the premises to protect everyone involved. Fair enough. I cropped a photo from my night out with Rosalyn when I first got back here. Next up was a list of sexual questions that seemed like they were meant to weed out the ones who weren’t really interested. I answered honestly and hit send. I don’t feel confident that I’ll hear back. I refused to provide a phone number and only left my email address.
After that, I remember pacing and sitting down on the bed and having a good cry. Then I woke up and, lifting the bed sheets to check, I’m still in my dress from last night except now it is completely wrinkled.
I slept solid though. For the first time in a long time, I slept without the weight of everything crushing me.
I drag myself off of the bed and across to my laptop and tap a key to bring it to life. While it starts, I take off the dress and lay it over the chair sitting in front of the small wooden desk then turn back to see my email staring back at me. Hitting refresh, and there it is in bold letters.
A response from Ravenous.
For a long moment, I can’t breathe. This is my answer. This is my only plan right now and if it falls through, I have enough money to stay here for two more nights, then I need to go back and that can’t be an option.
Tapping the pad, the first sentence fills my stomach with butterflies. I’m both relieved and terrified—I’ve been accepted.
A list of important information and details follow and I feel like I’ve been accepted into this secret club. There is no fee for those who are to be auctioned off which is good because I couldn’t cover the fee they list for everyone else just to attend.
There is another form to fill out and send back and it is more thorough than the last one, including a section to write out past sexual experiences, all of my measurements, hair and eye color, age and what I won’t allow during my time with the winning bidder. As I read a list of suggested limits, I’m thankful some examples were included.
An itinerary of the evening is included. I am auction number four but it doesn’t list how many are after me. There are a list of dos and don’ts and a number to call if I can not make the auction.
And that’s it.
Closing the laptop, my naked reflection comes into view from the mirror hanging on the wall behind the desk. I had learned to love myself after high school but Brent and Sean took that away from me all over again without even trying.
And here I am. A woman with no other options. I’m joining at least four other women. Or maybe there are men there, too. I have no idea. I have no idea how any of this works. Maybe that is for the best. I don’t know well enough to run away.
Tomorrow night, someone will hopefully pay enough for some time with me and I will live the rest of my life by my own rules. Running my hand over my stomach I wonder what it will be like. I have my list of limits and the website had so much information on consent and open communication.
My stomach flutters at the thought of selling myself. Turning myself into property and handing control over to someone else. It’s what I always fantasized about. Being controlled by someone who cares about me. But this is different. This is a transaction, plain and simple. No one is going there looking to buy love. They are buying obedience. They are buying a body.
They are buying a whore. My thought makes me want to cry, but there’s something else. I want to cry because I feel shame. Shame because it has always been what I wanted.
I’m exhausted. I’m tired of being strong and keeping my mouth shut to appease the world around me. I’m tired of being reserved and pushing my needs down deep. I’m tired of not understanding why I have these thoughts and urges. I want to give it all away. Just for once.
I wish I had someone to talk to about this.
Bending over my suitcase I open it and dig through some clothes before pulling out a couple of outfits my old roommate, Kelly, threw in with the clothes she sent back from our dorm. The outfits were always too revealing for the old me to wear but, secretly, I thought she looked amazing in them. I always wished I had her confidence in her own skin.
Holding a couple of them up to the mirror, I go for a short, black sequined sheath dress with a low-cut neckline and use my black ankle strap heels I wore last night. I hang my special outfit up to air out and place my heels under them in the closet then dig out a comfortable pair of pants and an over-sized sweater.
My stomach grumbles for the first time and it’s been almost a day since I last ate something when I was getting ready at Rosie’s. I feel awful I can’t contact her and tell her I am okay but Joshua knows she is all I have left. If he is looking for me, he’ll be pressuring her hard for information. Once I am done with everything here, I’ll send her a note and apologize. I just hope she understands I can’t stay here.
I remember seeing a deli beside the motel when we pulled in last night and I decide to take a quick shower before getting ready and grabbing a bite to eat before I run the errand I need to do today.
My stomach rolls over itself at the thought of what I am about to attempt, but I’ve thought it over and I’m done. Joshua is more than happy to dangle this over my head until him and his mother just decide to take it away. He’s giving Noah my managerial responsibilities and he signed off on Brent and Sean’s harassment complaints. I was pathetic to hope he wanted to spend time with me when I was younger and if I stay here, I will always be that stupid little girl. There is nothing left for me now. The only place for me is going to be one I’m going to create on my own and as soon as I am done with Ravenous, I will begin to build my new home.
There’s only one thing left to do and it has to be done today before the end of business hours. I need to drop in to the company lawyers and sign away my inheritance. I need to cut myself loose and leave.
I need to get this done at the end of business today. The papers will be officially accepted on Monday when business hours begin again and Joshua will be notified after that. By then it will be too late and I’ll be gone.
I chose to put myself here and I’m choosi
ng to leave.
51
Joshua
The office runs on a skeleton crew on Saturdays. Most of the sales staff are out buying and selling and the rest work a typical Monday to Friday work week. The white noise sounds louder than it usually does without the buzz of a full office.
When we first arrived, Noah went right to security to pull up our office footage and I made my way to the file room, thankful that Faye made me learn how everything is recorded and kept. After a few choice words and a wasted half an hour spent looking for keys to the cabinet I needed, I pulled everything I could find and I’ve been sitting in my office for the last three hours going through years of signed documents, expense claims, sales information and harassment documents, all with either my or Adam’s signature on them.
Adam couldn’t have known about this either.
I was with Adam the day he chose to hire these two. Reviewing their files, more details come back to me. Their dads both worked for the company. They were laid off when Adam hit some hard times but they were offered jobs again as soon as the business began to bounce back. A few kids from Emilia’s graduating class were invited to visit and drop off applications. Adam always had a soft spot for Emilia’s school.
I remember this time a little more clear because Emilia was asked to attend along with her friend Rosalyn and she had declined. At the time I thought it was typical behavior for her and I added it to the long list of things I could hold against her. Now it appears there was another reason she didn’t attend and I wonder if Adam ever knew the truth. He couldn’t have. He would never have hired Brent or Sean.
My phone buzzes on my desk, it’s Noah again reminding me to stay calm and continue searching with a level head. I’m starting to think he’s found some things on the video surveillance but I keep going through my files, jotting notes and taking photocopies.
We’ll have to meet with our lawyers over this as the list of infractions is long and it is more serious than anything I’ve dealt with here. We have sexual harassment, forgery, intimidation, embezzlement, fraud and I’m sure there are other things in here I can’t see right now.
It looks like Brent and Sean aren’t the only ones in on this either. Most of this paperwork would have gone through either finance or human resources and I click the mouse a few times to pull up our complete company hierarchy so I can try to link anyone else who has a hand in this.
As I narrow down the names, a knock at the door catches my attention but I keep my eyes on the screen. Noah doesn’t wait for an invite and he pulls a chair up as close to the desk as he can get.
“Find anything?” Dropping my pen on the notepad, I lean back in my seat as I rub my eyes.
“Okay. I know I said this before with Kyle but I need you to promise we will talk about what you are about to see.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? Fine, I don’t have time for this. I promise. Show me the video.” Just knowing I am about to see something I don’t want to see is making me angry.
“Okay. I sent it up to you from security. Let me get it here.” Noah stands and reaches across to my mouse and access a portal that I’ve always seen on my desktop but never used. A few passwords later and we’re in.
He clicks the tagged footage and sits back in his seat as I blow the video up to full screen and wait.
“I can’t hear anything.” I tap at my volume control, furiously as I see Emilia and another woman talking in the file room.
“There isn’t any sounds on the cameras. You won’t need it.” His answer trails off as I see Sean enter the room then talk to the person Emilia is with. As they talk, I see Emilia’s smile fade.
Shortly after Brent walks in and smiles at the person with Emilia, then she leaves and my stomach knots as I see Sean turn and lock the door behind her and it is just the three of them.
What I would give for sound right now. At first it looks like a regular conversation except Emilia looks terrified. Slowly, Brent’s demeanor changes. He turns and exchanges some words with Sean, then turns back and steps into Emilia’s space causing her to back up as far as she can into the files behind her as he continues to advance on her. Even without sound, he is clearly being aggressive toward her and I want to rip his arms off and beat him with them as he sticks his face into her space.
Then, I watch as Sean looks like he’s laughing behind them and Brent continues to push himself on Emilia. She looks so scared and alone and my anger flares up as I remember this was happening as I sat, mad at her, in my office. I could have walked down the hall to the file room and stopped this.
“What the fuck?” I shout at the screen as Brent’s hand comes up to Emilia’s chest and he squeezes her so hard, her face contorts in pain.
I’m standing at my line right now. If this goes any further, Noah will be an accessory to murder today after all. Before I can plot Brent’s death, I see both of them turn, unlock the door and leave a visibly and understandably shaken Emilia alone. A moment later, she drops the files and runs out of the room. She entered my office, stuttering and trying to ask for help a minute after that and I hate myself right now.
I look up to share an incredulous look of disgust with Noah but he’s staring at me with wide eyes as his hands cover the lower half of his face and he looks pale.
Everything is spiralling around my head. Pinching the bridge of my nose between two fingers I close my eyes for a long minute and I can’t focus long enough to hold one thought in my head before another comes at me.
Brent assaulted Emilia moments before I called her a liar and punished her by taking away her mother’s ring. Emilia told me she wouldn’t read their awards out and I told her I would take away her inheritance. Emilia uncovered these buried harassment complaints with my own signature on them.
“Hey, Josh.” Confused, I open my eyes and see Noah staring back at me. “Hey, I called your name a few times. I’m not going to ask if you’re okay, but we need to sort this out. Rosalyn will call if Emilia contacts her and you said Sylvia will tell you if she comes home. She can’t go far. You said she doesn’t have more than a few hundred dollars on her. As the owner of this company, you need to call a meeting with the lawyers. You need to do this for her. I can get a representative from HR in here, too.” He speaks as he pulls out his phone and I nod my head.
“Wait. We can’t involve HR. Not yet. It is more than just Brent and Sean. Everything we sign off on comes through—”
“HR or Finance… shit.” Noah finishes my sentence for me. “Do you know who it might be?”
Exiting the program, I open the chart I was looking at earlier. “I have my thoughts but I want you to take a look and tell me what you see.”
Noah leans in and scans over the names. It doesn’t take him long to make the same connection I did. “Keith Wilkes and Chad McKay. They went to our school, a few years behind us. Is it them?”
“They graduated the same year as Emilia. They were also hired at the same time as their friends, Brent and Sean.” I confirm and Noah drops his mouth open in understanding.
Chad has worked his way up into a senior finance level at the company and Keith has been doing the same in human resources for the past three years. “I wonder if it is a coincidence that Sean and Brent have won the sales awards for the last three years. That’s how long Chad has been overseeing the audit of our company sales numbers for bonuses.”
As I say the words, the severity of our situation sinks in.
“We need to get everything we can tonight. I’ll pull as many of the files as I can. Check back in with security. I want to see the footage of who I signed papers for on the date of that harassment complaint. If it is Keith or Chad, pull up a few more days that match the dates of the written complaints and get them sent up. I also want them to find the incident last week Rosalyn told us about where she walked in on Brent in the same file room.”
Noah stands and pulls out his phone.
“Who are you calling?”
“I’m ordering some food in. Everyo
ne has gone home for the day. I think it’s going to be a long night.” He puts the phone to his ear and turns his back to listen as I remember the time.
I forgot the time. Everything is closing. I pick up the receiver and hit speed dial to our lawyers office. We will need to call an urgent meeting before Monday to sort out our next steps.
“Jim Mathers.” The man on the other end of the line wastes no formalities.
“Jim, it’s Joshua Darkly. I have an urgent matter to discuss with you and it can’t wait until Monday.”
“I’ll say. She just left here. You must be surprised.”
“Surprised? Who just left?”
“Emilia Connor. She just signed her forfeiture notice. Everything is yours.”
52
Emilia
“You sure this is the place? It’s just an unmarked door in an alley. I’m not sure I feel comfortable dropping you off even in this swanky neighborhood.” The cab driver twists to speak and gives me another once over as he does.
I could have walked from the motel but one old cabbie staring is better than a few blocks worth of harassment in this skimpy dress, even on a quiet Sunday afternoon.
“I’ll be fine. I’ve been here before.” I lie as I close the top of my jacket and hold out one of my last twenties. “Keep it.”
As if on cue, the back door opens as soon as the taxi pulls away and a tall, muscular man in a suit steps into the alley with me. His eyes take in my body from top to bottom, but the look he’s giving me is different from all of the others I received since I stepped out of my hotel room late this afternoon. Muffled music pumps into the back lane from the room behind him, piquing my interest.
“Pseudonym?” A woman’s voice asks, surprising me and I look up to see the guy staring back at me.
“I—um—Lily.” I stammer and I hear papers shuffle behind the doorman’s muscular frame.
“She’s on the list.” The man instantly changes his disposition from security guard to host as he offers me a smile and takes my bags then steps aside to escort me into the room and I meet the woman who belongs to the voice.