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  I feel the tension leave my muscles at her question.

  That is exactly what I want and I don’t answer. Lexa has known me long enough to understand, my silence is my answer.

  “Oh, Joshua. I’m happy for you. You know I am. You need someone who will challenge you and grow you as much as you’ll support them.” Alexandra’s pause catches my attention and I look at her furrowed brows as she chooses her next words. “I think this legal arrangement is good—for both of you—right now. Emilia is hurting deeply and there are some things I don’t think you’ve talked about together yet. There is too much damaged history to start fresh and hope that she’ll want to stay. I think you need this arrangement in place so you can begin to build your new foundation. It won’t be easy, but it’s not impossible. I’ve been watching Emilia, and she reacts to you. You don’t notice it and I don’t think she does either, but she inherently waits for your cues and she values your praise. I see it in her but she has her own demons to overcome. I hope you’ll be able to help her with that.”

  “What do you mean demons? Did she say something to you?” Alexandra composes herself at my question.

  “No. I just sense her wounds have cut deeper than maybe you think they do. I think you should use this time to reintroduce yourselves to each other.”

  “Maybe you’re right. The arrangement has its silver linings. We should get some sleep. We’ll head back tomorrow after lunch. It’ll give us enough time to get ready for the week.”

  Standing, I move across the room to the table and set my drink down as Alexandra says her goodnights and retires to Adam’s room. The logs in the fireplace are glowing embers now and I close the glass doors and make my way down the hall to the spare room making one stop to glance between the crack in Emilia’s door.

  She’s been trying hard at work and on her school project and she’s been so tired. The moonlight through the window catches my attention and I quietly walk to the curtains and slide one of them shut. Emilia should have the chance at a solid sleep and this will allow her to wake when her body feels it’s right not when the sun rises. As I pull the other closed, I look back at her peacefully dreaming and her mother’s ring on her hand catches my attention.

  I suddenly understand how Adam was always so proud of her. I just wish I saw what he did, a long time ago. I pushed her away because I didn’t want to give her the chance to let me down. I made assumptions about her because it was easier than facing my feelings for her. I never gave her the chance to show me who she was; I wrote her story for her.

  Her deep breath pulls me out of my thoughts and I decide to leave before I wake her up. I could have done so many things differently. Alexandra is right. We need to work on creating a strong foundation and I’m determined to begin again with Emilia this week.

  42

  Emilia

  When we dropped Alexandra off at her place last night, something felt different. I don’t know her well enough to say if something was out of place. The hug she left me with felt like there was a huge conversation behind it but all she said was “Just hang on, okay?”. I didn’t understand but I got the impression there was more she wanted to say to me and it’s been on my mind all morning.

  Luckily school was rather dry this morning and I had already covered most of the topics in my old classes. My mind has been thinking about this weekend all day.

  “Are the expense claims filed in the locked cabinet with the personnel files, or should I start a new section for them on the shelf?” The intern’s question startles me.

  “We’ll include them in the cabinet. Put them on the bottom shelf. Thank you.”

  This filing project is going by faster now and I hope we can have everything put away by mid week because I’m ready to get back into the office to help Faye with some of the awards dinner preparations. Now that it is this Friday night, I’m beginning to get a little excited for it.

  It was my father’s favourite event of the year. He loved spending time with everyone in the company and handing out all of the awards. It coincides with bonus time so everyone is always in a good mood.

  “So, how long have you worked here?” Sandy asks and her question surprises me. She doesn’t know who I am. I stop myself from telling her the truth.

  It’s been so long since someone in this company looked at me as a coworker and I miss not standing out. I thought I had done a good job of blending in at my old school. No one fell over themselves to do anything for me and people just did their thing and didn’t act as though I was judging them or sizing them up for a promotion or demotion.

  I came, I went and it didn’t matter.

  I miss the way this intern is looking at me right now.

  “I just started back here after some time away.” I answer. It isn’t a lie but I don’t feel great about the deception.

  “Cool. I’ve been here for a few weeks.”

  “Do you like it?” I ask, setting my file down to take a break.

  “Yah, I do. The people are all really nice and it’s got a great vibe. It doesn’t hurt that the owner is kind of cute.” The camaraderie in her smile makes me smile in return. I love being just another face around the water cooler to her. “Hey, maybe we can grab lunch together sometime this week. I usually head down to the street. There are a ton of food trucks and it’s a great place to sit and people watch.”

  “I’d like that. Thanks.” I feel a little giddy inside. I’ve made my first work friend. Well outside of Rosie, but she’s always been my friend so that doesn’t count.

  The door behind Sandy opens and my mood instantly changes.

  As Sean scans the room, I feel my heart beat harder against my ribs. Settling his attention on Sandy, he smiles as he joins our conversation and I don’t even recognize him.

  “Hello?” Letting his greeting linger, it is obvious to both of us, what he is asking.

  “Oh, hi. I’m Sandy.” She smiles.

  “Hi Sandy. It’s great to meet you. I’m Sean. I work over in sales.” My stomach lurches as he reaches out and she meets his hand in a shake.

  “I’m an intern. I kind of work everywhere.” She offers a soft laugh at her own words as I stand, frozen in place.

  “Well, I look forward to working with you, Sandy.” I get the feeling only I can sense the lecherous tone in his words. “Could you give us a few minutes of privacy with Emilia?” As he asks his question, my stomach tightens as Sandy asks the question I don’t want to know the answer to.

  “Who’s us?”

  Brent walks into the room, answering her question without saying a word.

  “We just need to speak to the boss’s daughter for a minute. We won’t be long.” As Sean speaks, I watch Sandy’s expression change.

  “Oh. Yah, sure. I’m going to get a coffee. It’s my break time anyway.” She adds the little bit at the end for my benefit. I’m no longer the new friend from work and I no longer fit into her world. I’m the one who she needs to tell she has a break coming or she might get in trouble and I nod at her as she leaves.

  A part of me wants to ask her to stay, or if I can tag along but I know I’m not welcome anymore. I also don’t want to risk opening my mouth and having my stutter return in front of her.

  Brent waits a few seconds before turning to the door and clicking the lock. Their cordial smiles are gone. It doesn’t matter, they weren’t genuine anyway and I prefer seeing people for who they really are.

  “I think we all got off on the wrong foot and we wanted to talk to you and clear the air a bit.” Brent speaks slowly and I know his words are hollow.

  “I see.” I answer. I can almost feel the tension vibrating off of Sean and I step back for a little space.

  “I think we can all agree that we were just kids in high school. Having fun like kids do. It was a long time ago and we’re adults now.” Measuredly, Brent watches me as he speaks and I feel my face heat up at his insinuation.

  All of the pain, the nightmares, the stuttering. Everything was just kids having fun.


  Except I know it wasn’t, and so do they. They were 18 when it all ended and it ended because I left for school, on the other side of the country. They didn’t end it because they became mature adults. I ended it when I ran away.

  “It was only f-five years ag-go.” As my stuttering returns, I watch Brent flash a sinister grin. He hasn’t moved on from this. He is still enjoying my pain.

  “I told you, she wouldn’t listen to us.” Sean’s anger surprises me. “She’s going to ruin everything. Just like her old man ruined it for our dads.”

  I know their fathers were laid off during the divorce but I also know my dad offered them their jobs back as soon as he could and he gave Brent and Sean jobs out of high school as well.

  Brent shoots Sean a stare and he backs down.

  “Look, Emilia. We have a good thing going here. You don’t want to ruin our careers over a misunderstanding from years ago, do you? Keith and Chad have families now.” He plays to my conscience.

  All four of them were horrible to me and they took their anger out on me. Brent was the leader of the group and Sean was always too eager to be his next in command. Keith and Chad wouldn’t have done what they did if these two hadn’t pushed them. They both always seemed like they just went along with everything Sean or Brent said but they were still involved. Either of them could have stood up for me, but they didn’t.

  “I need to g-go.” I point at the door but before I can take my first step, Sean steps back and leans against the door and Brent moves his body into my space.

  “You’re not going anywhere until I say what I have to say, Emilia. And don’t worry. Rosie won’t be able to interrupt us this time. She’s out on a sales meeting. You’re all alone.” Brent’s smile makes me want to vomit.

  I am all alone.

  “We’ve all been working really hard for this company since high school and none of us are going to let you take that away from us.” As Brent speaks, his hand moves up to touch my face and I slap it away in disgust without thinking.

  The same hint of anger crosses his face and this time, his hand shoots back and his cold fingers wrap around my throat as he pushes me back into the files on the shelf. I can smell the fishy scent of his lunch on his breath as he stretches his face into my own.

  “You don’t understand. We all know who signs our checks. And it’s not you. We can make things very difficult here.” As he spits out his words, he leans closer into my space and I hear Sean laughing over his shoulder as he continues, “We were just boys back then. It was harmless fun. We’re men now. You don’t want to find out what we can do to you.”

  With his back turned to Sean, Brent lifts his free hand between us and into my bra, pinching my nipple hard between his fingers, and I squeal out as I pull my own hands up to pry him off and push him back.

  “Leave me alone.”

  His predatory eyes flash at my plea. Only the two of us know he just touched me. Sean is still laughing like an idiot, completely unaware of the threat Brent just made on his behalf and I feel sick.

  “Remember what I told you.” Brent turns to Sean and motions for him to unlock the door before he shifts his eyes back to me. As Sean opens the door and walks through, Brent offers a wink before his final words. “I will be seeing you around, Feelya.”

  My body deflates on itself and I feel as though I could lay down on the floor and curl up in a ball and never get up again.

  There is only one person here who can help me and it isn’t Rosie. Those four will ruin her career before she gets the chance to report them.

  I need to talk to Joshua and hope he isn’t on their side. For once, I need to trust in the one person who I thought was out to get me and he is the only hope I have at ending this nightmare.

  Locking up the personnel files, I walk down the halls to Joshua’s office as fast as I can. I do my best to smile at Faye as I enter the administration area.

  “Is Joshua available? I need to speak with him n-now.” She gives me a quick nod and I push through his door and shut it quickly behind me.

  “I’m s-sorry for bursting in. I need to talk to you about s-something.” Now that I’ve started the conversation I feel like I can finally get some of my problems out there.

  Joshua doesn’t move. Standing in front of his full-length window overlooking the city below, he stays perfectly still for a whole minute and I feel my entire body vibrating in my skin. This is what I should have told my father years ago.

  Joshua is standing with his back to me as he looks out his office window.

  “J-Joshua. I said I n-need to talk to you.”

  Taking a deep breath, he turns slowly to face me and I’m met with the same angry eyes I saw when I first stepped into this office to read my father’s will. Something suddenly feels very wrong.

  “Really? Tell me, Emilia. What lies have you come in here to tell me now?”

  43

  Joshua

  “Shall I drive around the block once more, Sir?” My driver asks over his shoulder as we turn the last corner to our office for the sixth or seventh time.

  “One last time. Thank you, Niko.” I look out the window at the front doors to our building as we pass by.

  When Emilia arrived from school this morning, I asked Niko to hang back to drive me to her school. I didn’t feel like driving today and now I’m thankful I chose not to. I haven’t been able to focus on anything but my meeting with her instructors this morning and each time I go over our conversation, I feel my rage build.

  Emilia isn’t working on a project for her course right now, it must be in her other class. Both instructors gave the same answer and I clarified with both two additional times. There is no project and Emilia lied to me about needing time alone to catch up. I gave her all of the time she needed to catch up, I gave her space and I was proud of her for working so hard.

  She spent the last week in the file room and her evenings on her own. I was proud of her for nothing. She only wanted time away from me. It was part of my rule. Eat dinner with me unless she was studying and she lied to get out of spending a simple meal together.

  I wanted this week to be different. I wanted to begin working on our new foundation but it appears as though some of our old foundation still needs to be knocked down and by the time the car comes to a stop in front of the building, again, I’m more than willing to get to work.

  As the elevator opens to my floor, I’m half tempted to burst into the filing room where she’s currently hiding herself away to have it out, but I decide against it. I need to remain in control and having this discussion on her turf when I’m not composed is not beneficial to me. Instead, I stay on route to my office and ask Faye to move my meetings around for the afternoon then send Emilia in as soon as she sees her.

  As I sit at my desk, my mind wanders back to the first day she arrived here after Adam passed away. I could see it in her eyes. I know, deep down, she was ready to fire me on the spot. She had a hatred in her that set me off and I felt the same. I couldn’t wait to hear the caveat read out loud and watch her as she realized what it meant.

  I thought we had grown in the short time since then. I was sure we were heading in a new direction. But nothing has changed. She’s biding her time and she’s using lies to avoid me.

  Standing, I walk to the window to look at the city. Problems seem small when you look at the big picture, but this one doesn’t seem to feel any smaller. As the door opens, I stay still with my eyes focused on the horizon.

  “I’m s-sorry for bursting in. I need to talk to you about s-something.” I notice a stutter in Emilia’s voice. When we were younger, I figured out she would stutter every time she was telling a lie and I feel my face heat up.

  She probably found out I had her driver take me to her school and now she’s caught in her lie. I’m almost entertained. I can’t wait to see how she digs herself out of this one.

  “J-Joshua. I said I n-need to talk to you.” I’m done with her excuses. We’re going to do this my way n
ow.

  As I turn to face her, her eyes go wide. She knows I’m not happy.

  “Really? Tell me, Emilia. What lies have you come in here to tell me now?”

  I feel an immense satisfaction flow through me as she stops cold. I will not allow her to control any part of this conversation.

  “S-something happened. I was—”

  “Let me guess. You were going to tell me, right?” My voice is a little louder than I’d like it but it startles Emilia and I don’t think anyone can hear me through the heavy door so I’m going to stick with it.

  “Wh-what?” Her false ignorance is only earning her more of a punishment.

  “You lied to me about your course project, Emilia. I believed you. I fell for it like Adam always used to fall for your lies. You would rather lie to me than put the work in to better yourself around here.”

  “That’s not wh—”

  “It’s exactly what it looks like. You haven’t changed, Emilia. I’m tired of your lies and all of your stories. I was tired then and I’m tired now. You need to earn my trust. I’ve been too lenient on you.” As I speak, I move to the door and click the lock. As Emilia watches me lock us in, I see a flash of something cross her face, but I’m too determined to right her wrong to entertain it.

  Backing into the office, I decide to stay in between her and the door as she keeps glancing at it. She won’t be leaving here until her slate is cleared.

  “J-Joshua, I—”

  “Go ahead, Emilia. Tell me another story. Tell me why you lied to me. I can’t wait to hear this one.” My last words spit out of me. I’m hurt. I know she hit me hard. I trusted her and she took advantage of me.

  I watch her try to form the words, but her stuttering is too much for her now. She knows she only has more lies to tell and eventually she stops trying to speak and she just waits.