Step Darkly Read online

  “Well we have a whole year to find out because that deal is not available to you, Emilia. You are my ward and you will live under this roof according to the rules I’ve set out for you. Now if that is all, go to your room and get some sleep. Tomorrow is an important day.” I shut the conversation down to her surprise and she doesn’t move for a minute while she processes the fact I just sent her to her room.

  Her dire situation sinks in and she slumps her shoulders in defeat. Turning to leave the room, I’m sure she is grateful this part of the evening is over for her.

  At least she thinks it is.

  I have a feeling she’ll catch her second wind shortly and then I’ll give us both what we need.

  As her feet stomp down the hall toward her room, I turn back to the folder laying closed on my desk.

  I sense a large amount of naivety in Emilia. She hasn’t experienced enough to recognize her strong feelings as frustration; as a fire that needs to be fed and managed, and so she turns it into an emotion she understands… anger. And then her anger controls her.

  I need to help her change her perception and I have a strong feeling I’ll begin shortly. The next time she allows her anger to control her, I will control it and that will be our beginning.

  I slide the file across the desk as I open the drawer and drop it in. I have no need to see Kyle’s face ever again, but I will hold onto all of this in case he decides to resurface.

  Pressing the button to stop the recording, I sit down at the desk, cradling my face in my hands to process the evening.

  While this didn’t go as I wanted it to, it is done. But it leaves Emilia in a volatile state. Speaking of which, I’m sure the women downstairs heard everything. Pulling out my phone, I text Noah to ask how everything went after he left us in the office. Before I put the phone down, I see the dots moving across the screen as he types out his response.

  Noah: Explained as best I could to the ladies. They are both coming here in the morning now before the funeral to go with Emilia to support her, so heads up. I’m at the hotel. Kyle is packing and I’m driving him to the airport. I’ll charge his flight out on my card. He’ll be gone by the time you wake up. She okay?

  Me: She will be. Talk later. And thank you.

  As I drop the phone on the desk, I hear Emilia’s door slam again as footsteps thud down the hall toward the bathroom.

  Stepping into the hall, I hear the shower turn on and I feel my need to discipline return.

  I told her to go to sleep.

  She knows it wasn’t a suggestion.

  In my mind, I imagine she went back to her room to think. Her emotions have gotten the best of her and she’s trying to challenge me in her own way, without directly coming at me because she knows that won’t end well for her.

  At this rate, she won’t sleep at all tonight and her father’s funeral will be a giant ball of emotions she won’t be able to manage.

  As I stand, I remove my jacket and leave it on the desk. Exiting the office and walking down the hall, I hear her petulantly shoving things around in the bathroom and I begin rolling up the sleeves to my shirt.

  She’s about to spin out of control. I feel the tension radiating all over and I’m not in the same room as her yet. It controls her because she doesn’t understand it. As I square myself in front of the door, I hear soft sobs tangled in with the spray from the shower. I know this is overwhelming her.

  I decide to give her one last chance to listen to my order and I knock on the door.

  “Go away.” She barks out and I have to take a long breath to steady myself.

  “Emilia, I told you to go to sleep.”

  “I’m taking a shower.”

  “You’ll take a shower in the morning. Go to your room.”

  At my order, I hear a sob pour out of her. She’s at her limit. She’ll either turn off the water and go to sleep, or she’ll challenge me directly.

  And I wait.

  “No. I’m taking a shower. I said GO AWAY!” She shouts at her side of the door and I can’t control the twitch in my lips as I reach for the door handle.

  33

  Emilia

  “You’ll take a shower in the morning. Go to your room.”

  Joshua’s words rattle around in my head like coins in a tin can. Why can’t the guy just ignore me like he always used to? Now I’m in pain and I just want to have some time to myself and he’s just adding to my stress.

  Standing to the side of the shower, I hold my hand under the stream to test the warmth as steam clouds waft around the room. Tears roll down my face and drip into the shower, joining the water as it flows over the tiles and empties down the drain.

  I can’t trust any of the men here and Joshua won’t let me leave. That amount of money is nothing to him. I just need enough to finish my school. He could have had everything else, but he’s not willing to let me leave here with anything and there is nothing I can do.

  I thought I knew Kyle. I trusted him and the person who left here tonight was not my friend. He was nothing like the person I knew and now I’m mourning the loss of someone who was never real.

  And Noah is Joshua’s friend. As nice as he pretends to be around me, I have to remember, he was standing in the office with both of them tonight. He knew all along and he told me I could talk to him if I ever needed.

  I can’t do this.

  “No. I’m taking a shower. I said GO AWAY!” I direct all of my rage at the door separating Joshua from me and I feel my hands begin to tremble.

  My truth is, I can’t handle myself when I feel like this. I’m so mad, I feel like my body is going to explode out of my skin.

  For a moment, hear nothing at the door and I breathe out a sigh of relief when I hear the handle click and my heart jumps into my throat as Joshua enters the small bathroom with a stern look on his face and I’m thankful I’m still wearing my nightie.

  “There. Just getting this door out of the way.” He says calmly as he walks into the room, stopping a few feet away from me. “That’s better. It’s easy to yell at a door, Emilia. Now do it again to my face.”

  His confidence knocks me back and I want to run away, but I have no exit other than the one located behind Joshua.

  “I need to take a shower. P-please give me some privacy.” My words are so quiet and weak, I barely hear myself say them.

  “No! Go. To. Your. Room.” Every word is a challenge and I want to cry and yell and run away at the same time.

  “Please…” I mumble, barely above a whisper hoping for the same leniency he granted me the other night.

  “Now, Emilia.” I almost feel like I’m being led along by his deep voice.

  As the air in the room grows thick with steam from the shower, I try to find my voice but it’s gone.

  So I slowly swivel my head from left to right and back again.

  And he smiles, sending a shiver down my spine.

  Reaching behind him, he closes the door then turns back to face me and that little act makes my heart skip a beat. I know everyone has left the house and Sylvia is in her quarters on the grounds. We’re already alone. But closing us in the bathroom feels more personal. I feel as though the door on my cage is shut and there is nowhere to go. And I chose this.

  I could have just turned off the water and left. Why am I pushing this? I chastize myself silently.

  “I won’t tolerate disobedience from you. I thought I made myself clear on that.”

  “I just…” I try to explain myself and I suddenly feel light-headed.

  “Ssshh.” I find his shush oddly soothing and I stop speaking as he raises his hand for my attention. “You know my rules, Emilia. I am going to punish you for this. I know this will help you.”

  As he says the words, I feel my body respond to him. Everything feels out of place and I hurt and all I am thinking about is how centered I felt after he spanked me on the side of the road. I felt like, for a moment, I belonged somewhere and it was the craziest feeling.

  “I-” I kno w I’m trying to buy some time and he doesn’t allow me any.

  “Bend over the counter.” As he speaks, Joshua doesn’t take his eyes off me and I feel like I can’t move. Something deep inside of me works against my better judgement and I want to obey him from a very dark place, but I can’t.

  Instead, I take a step closer to the shower and he takes a step closer to me.

  “Your first reaction isn’t to fight me, Emilia. You’re fighting yourself. You know you need this. What scares you is that you need this from me.” I feel drunk on his voice.

  I can’t want this from him.

  I don’t even like him.

  My hardened nipples become sensitive against the soft fabric of my nightie and I panic. Taking my last step into the shower, I push myself under the spray, clothes and all and let the hot water soak through my new nightie as Joshua stays still, watching me.

  Water trickles along my seams as the wet fabric clings to my body and my mind becomes heady. This is what I’ve thought about. I’ve fantasized about a need so dark and consuming that my own being would betray me before allowing me to walk away from it.

  “Very well, Emilia. Have it your way.” His quiet tone pulls me out of my thoughts as he steps into the shower with me, fully clothed.

  His eyes remain on my own as he stands flush against me as he continues, “Let me help you. It’s just us here. We’re alone. Let me give you what you need.” His words are soft as he places his hands on my arms and caresses me gently, careful to avoid any of my more sensitive areas.

  He’s touching me. He’s touching me and it isn’t putting me into a panic. My thought confuses me. For someone who doesn’t like to be touched, this isn’t having a negative effect on me.

  “Please.” I ask with a deep breath, surprising myself.

  His breath is hot against my cheek as he leans into me. “Please, what?”

  “Please help me.” I ask in a soft sob.

  Without another word, he kneels on one knee and moves me effortlessly down and across his raised lap. Blinking the water out of my eyes I wriggle across his thigh, trying to stabilize myself, unsure of where I’m going to end up.

  I still the instant his fingers graze the back of my thigh. Calm shoots through me as my body bows to his touch.

  “Do you feel that, Emilia? You instinctively accept this.” His words catch my attention.

  His calm control draws me to him. It’s a natural compulsion my body is refusing to fight against.

  “Joshua.” I feel lost and I have no idea what I want to say, if anything at all.

  “I’m here. No one else. Put your hands on the floor to brace yourself.” I swallow a hard lump in my throat. There’s no backing out now. I’ve allowed him to take charge and I feel as though my body is begging for this.

  Reaching down, I place my hands, palms down against the warm tile on either side of the drain and watch as the water ripples over my fingers and disappears through the slits in the floor.

  “You need to tell me if you want me to stop. Just say stop and I will. Do you understand?” His tone is stern but soothing as I feel a need spark inside of me.

  “Yes, Joshua.”

  Then I melt as his hand peels the flimsy fabric off my bare ass and grabs my cheek, squeezing it tight. The move opens me up to the running water and I feel drops trickle between the crevice of my ass and down along my labia. Lost to the sensation of his touch and the warm flow of the water, I close my eyes and drop my head down as a moan escapes my lips.

  Moments blend together and I’m not sure how long I slipped into his touch when I feel him shift in place.

  My eyes shoot open as a warm sting jolts me out of my space as the first impact registers and my throat tightens in surprise. The light in the room shines bright into my dilated pupils and the splashing of the water sounds louder as my body tenses under his smack.

  “Are you with me?” The concern in his tone tells me he thinks I’m about to panic, but I’m not.

  I feel like I’m home. I feel as though the floodgates of my pain have been opened and all of my hurt is slowly draining out.

  “I, um. Yes.” I no longer have control over my reactions.

  I hear myself. I’m raspy, needy, and bordering on shameless.

  I want more.

  My entire body feels awake, electric almost.

  “I want you to count each hit, then say my name. That was one, Joshua. Do you understand?” I feel my stomach knot with nervous excitement, knowing that more of this release is coming.

  “Yes, Joshua.”

  Without another word, his hand lands on my unmarked cheek, the sound of the water echoing off the tiled walls in the shower fills me with a fierce excitement as my body zings to life.

  “Two, Joshua.”

  A third hits as soon as the words leave my mouth and I throw my head back as the impact fills my body with new energy.

  “Three, Joshua.”

  To my depraved joy, the next strike carries more force and I feel myself become almost giddy as the sting flows through my body and straight into my bones.

  “Four, Joshua.”

  Again, another hard hit and I realize he is alternating sides as I feel my ass heat up under his discipline. I can’t help but move my hips around, silently asking for more.

  “Five, Joshua.”

  My clarity slips into a trance of its own as I struggle to process these new feelings. I hear the shower and feel each drop rain down against my skin as I watch the swirls of liquid disappear down the drain. My senses flow together, filled with an overwhelming need to be his as his hand makes contact a sixth time and I growl out a depraved moan.

  “Six, Joshua.”

  There is a pause and my body instinctively shifts again. Arching my back I shamelessly present myself to him. I’m not ready for this to be over. I need to feel his punishment but I don’t know if I should ask for it when his calm voice breaks through my frenzy.

  “Shhh. It’s okay, Emilia. I’m not finished with you yet. Just relax.” His fingers slide over my heated cheeks and follow the flow of the water flowing between my legs and I can’t help my reaction as my body goes limp in his grasp.

  This touch, rough yet considerate, strong and powerful, is everything I’ve ever wanted to feel.

  I have no more fight left in me tonight. With every fiber of my being, I want to offer myself to him completely. I want more of this.

  A trickle of water follows his fingers toward my clit as he explores my body and my consciousness implodes on itself. I feel nothing but the sensation between my legs. My head is heavy and my body sings at his touch.

  “You’re beautiful.” His soft voice slides into my psyche and I moan for him. Sliding my feet apart on the tile to open myself further, his finger presses against my pussy and everything freezes as I wait for him to enter me.

  Slowly and easily he slides inside as his words rattle around my head. “All of you is beautiful, Emilia. And you are mine. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, Joshua.” My response flows freely from me. I’m not trying to think of the right answer; I know the right answer. My entire being knows the right answer. I feel an intense comfort in my admission.

  My body rocks with the thrust of his fingers as a second joins the first and I begin moving my hips in time with him.

  Just as I feel tension begin to stir inside me, he pulls his fingers out, and before I can move, another shockwave shoots through me as his hand connects with my tender ass.

  My back involuntarily bows on impact as I suck in a deep breath almost unaware that I’ve left my body to its own devices.

  “Count.”

  His words pull me back to him and I panic at the thought I might disappoint him.

  “Eight, Joshua.”

  “That was seven. This is eight.”

  Two consecutive hits come close together sending my mind reeling into space and my thoughts and actions are no longer my own.

  They’re his.

  “Nine, Jos hua.”

  “Very good.”

  I let out a heady sigh at his impressed tone, then immediately rock my head forward as his fingers lightly trail over my tender cheeks.

  His touch is heightened against the shower raining down and I feel both giddy and dizzy.

  Another spank hits the hardest yet and I lunge forward on his knee as I feel his hand on my back, steadying me.

  “Ten, Joshua.” I don’t even know how I’m still talking.

  I’m out of breath and wound so tight that I don’t know how I’ll release the delirium I’m now swimming in.

  “You were so good for me, my Emilia. I want you to come when you’re ready.” His words confuse me.

  How on earth am I just going to come? Ohhh...

  As the thought leaves me, his fingers return to my sensitive clit and begin moving.

  At once I realize the depth with which I crave his touch. Pleasure or pain makes no difference at this point.

  I’m beyond aroused. I’m ready to break wide open; I can’t control myself even if I tried. My body follows his lead and I brazenly shift my hips to open myself further.

  A low groan vibrates out from behind me, calling for something deep inside to answer and I feel myself losing balance in his grasp.

  Just as my feet lose traction on the tile, his strong arm reaches under me, lifting me up and pushing my back against his solid chest. Sliding his hand up over my breast toward my neck, his fingers grip around my throat as he pulls me close.

  His heavy breath against my ear lulls me into a trance as he removes his hand from behind me and returns to my core from the front while pushing my reddened ass into him.

  “Who do you belong to?” He growls into my ear and his tone demands an answer.

  “You.”

  I belong to him. I want to belong to him. With everything I am in this moment, I want to be his.

  My realization hits me as hard as my orgasm does.

  Without warning, my legs tremble as my body shakes in his tight grip. I move my hands over his arms in an effort to slow the force of my climax but he doesn’t relent and I have no choice but to open myself up to everything he is giving me.