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  “What about dinner?” Kyle asks as he draws a line down my arm, sending a strange shiver up my spine.

  “Joshua wants to have you over for dinner on Wednesday. Just a thing with friends.” I answer, checking to make sure I have enough money for lunch.

  “Really?” He responds oddly, drawing my attention to him as he grins in Joshua’s direction. “Tell him I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  24

  Joshua

  “Tell me you have something on the guy.” I can hear my own desperation in my voice and I only hope Noah can’t detect it through the phone.

  “Your first day in the office with her going that well?” He chuckles through the receiver telling me he heard me loud and clear.

  “Not now, Noah.” That’s my signal to ease off.

  To say it’s been a day is an understatement. I’ve been swinging like a pendulum through so many emotions since I woke up this morning and walked into the dining room only to find her sitting patiently at the table waiting for me so we could eat together.

  I want every morning to be like that. Seeing her smile as I joined her surprised me and I haven’t been able to get the image of her in that moment out of my head all day.

  As we sat together, talking to the department heads about Emilia’s transfer, I had a moment when something felt wrong. The smallest of hitches in her voice as she spoke about the rest of the year alerted me. No one else in the room caught it but it hit me hard. As I turned my head to take Emilia in, I saw her begin to falter. It was almost undetectable, but I felt as though she was calling out for help and without any thought, I answered her.

  I waited for her to finish, then I asked some questions of my own. As I spoke, I noticed she began to relax as the attention moved off of her. Her body offered the smallest of cues to continue speaking for her and I was more than glad to take care of her. She leaned back in her seat and let me take over the conversation and it felt amazing to support her.

  Everything dropped out from under me when Kyle showed up for a lunch date. We were getting on well in the office and I had hoped to order lunch in and keep going only to be derailed by this kid.

  He isn’t the same person I met on Saturday at the house. He has an inflated sense of confidence behind his smile now. Watching him put his scrawny arm around Emilia set me off inside but I kept my composure. Showing my dislike toward him will only distance Emilia further from me. Instead, I let them leave together, again.

  “Got it.” Noah’s answers and I hear some paper shuffling on his desk. “We need to meet quickly before you leave tonight. There is some kind of organized protest going on about one of the properties we bought with plans to tear down.”

  It takes me a second to respond and I realize Noah is right. I need to get my head in the game. I’m sitting at work, I’m the head of a multi-million dollar company and my first thought is about Emilia.

  “Sure, I’ll drop by in an hour on my way out. Is there anything else?” I ask, feeling a little foolish for my earlier assumption.

  “Yeah I’m fucking with you. You do need to drop by. We still need to talk about that but I wanted to let you know I am looking into everything. I don’t have much but since I’m fully aware you have no patience, I wanted to touch base.” Noah laughs into the phone.

  “What do you have?” I ask a little to impatiently and I hear more papers being shuffled around.

  “You said Kyle was transferring to the other university because of a shortage of TA’s in their Psychology department. I checked with a friend in the Sociology department and he told me there is no shortage in either department. He checked the TA list for his name, but there is no mention of him. It might not be anything though because the transfer hasn’t happened yet but I wanted to let you know. I’m still waiting on everything else but I expect I won’t hear until tomorrow.” While Noah’s information isn’t helpful, I find relief in knowing there is still a chance he isn’t completely clean.

  As I weigh the information, I hear a soft knock at the door. My secretary must have stepped away for a moment.

  “Thank you, I’ll drop by in a bit. I’ve got to go.” I answer, then ending the call, I address the person behind the door. “It’s unlocked, come in.”

  “Carly isn’t at her desk and I was hoping to talk to you before I leave.” Emilia says as she pokes her head into the office.

  “Of course. Come in.” I stand to greet her and hold my hand out, gesturing to the chair in front of my desk.

  Sometimes taking control is not leading. The voice in my head urges me to stay quiet and give Emilia the chance to speak.

  “Thank you.” She smiles as she walks into the office and pulls out the chair to sit down and I sit back into my seat. “I just wanted to say thank you for your help at the university and for helping me here.” Her tone is quiet and it isn’t lost on me how difficult this must have been for her to say.

  Not even a week ago she was planning a very different future for herself. Now she’s sitting in my office, working under me and thanking me for my help. I don’t know if I would have the strength to do the same if I was in her position.

  But Emilia is a creature that stands apart from the rest of us. Her determination is an inspiration to me.

  “You’re welcome. How was your first day?” I decide to offer her a small mercy and change the topic.

  “It was fine. I was mostly reading at my desk. Going over our corporate plans.” She smiles with her response.

  “Dry stuff, I know. I wrote a lot of it and you couldn’t pay me to read it.” I chuckle out and her smile turns into a laugh, sending me into another emotional tailspin.

  I could sit here all night and listen to her laugh but as quick as it started it’s gone and her guard is up again.

  I feel a flash of anger at the change. She is taking herself away from me. I want to enjoy her smile and she is back to speaking cautiously. This is a bad habit I will need to break her of.

  “I was wondering if I could go out with Rosalyn tonight. I don’t have anything nice enough to wear to my father’s… um, to his…” Her words trail off and I see her throat tighten as she tries to swallow her sadness down.

  “Of course.” I start, then open the drawer to my desk and retrieve my wallet. Pulling out my plastic card, I reach across the desk as I continue, “Here. Your payments haven’t been worked out yet. Please, take my card. If you need anything else for work or school, feel free to get it.” I offer as she reaches out to accept the card, her cool fingers gently brush along my warm skin, sending signals straight to my cock and I feel myself swell at such an innocent connection.

  “Thank you.” She responds and I can’t help myself. In one primal moment of thinking with the wrong head, I push.

  “And if you need anything new to sleep in, remember my favorite color is see-through.” I put my intention out there with a hungry smile. Considering what my brain wants to say and what came out, this is tame.

  I know where she stands with Kyle, but I won’t sit back and let him write her story. When I get through with Emilia, Kyle will be lucky to even have a footnote in her life’s story.

  “Um… okay.” Her words mumble out of her as I sit still, enjoying the flush taking over her face.

  The tension between us is palpable. As she shifts awkwardly in her seat, I almost feel it ebb and flow between us. The pull is intoxicating and I wonder if she feels it too.

  “Wh-what time do you want me at the house by?” Her question delights me. Following the rules I’ve set is coming easy for her and my brain immediately lists five new rules I would love to have her obey right now.

  “How about nine o’clock. You start your classes tomorrow. After you are done, why don’t you and Rosalyn go out for dinner. On me.” I decide to reward her and I point to the card as I watch her smile return to her soft lips.

  “Thank you.” She speaks as she stands, no doubt trying to get out the door before I change my mind. “Rosie has a car. I’ll be home before
nine.”

  As I watch her leave, I already know her fate. It doesn’t matter what I find out about Kyle. Emilia is not his and she never will be.

  In my darkest depths, I’ve known it ever since I first saw her. Even before I knew certain things about myself. I can try to fight it but every road I take leads to her. Under her graceful exterior lies a storm and it rages for me. She has a darkness about her and I can’t look away. I gravitate to her and my ache to control her is intense.

  Emilia will be mine, she was always meant to be.

  25

  Emilia

  “I still can’t believe this restaurant is where your old house used to be.” I say, picking up a spoon and leaning over the table for my first bite of the triple chocolate cake we decided to share.

  “Isn’t it crazy? By my best guess, I’d say this table is where my bedroom used to be. Remember all of the sleepovers we used to have, like right here?” Rosie smiles her response at me and continues as she reaches for her own spoon, “My parents are happy though. Everyone on the block got more than market value at the time it was enough for them to retire early.”

  “It’s amazing how some things change so fast.” I notice as I moan down my second bite of the decadent dessert.

  “And how some things stay the same.” She responds quickly, catching my attention and I am suddenly curious where she is going with her comment.

  “Are you kidding? What has possibly stayed the same from the time I left home?” I ask as I place my spoon on the table and reach for my water. I’m both nervous and interested in her response.

  Rosie was my best friend all through high school. I’d say she still is but we did lose touch for some time while I was away. Letting go of almost everything back home helped me to move on from some things. At least I thought they did.

  Rosie was a lot like my father. She knew some things bothered me about this place but, unlike my dad, Rosalyn knew exactly what they were. We chatted over text a lot, but certain topics were never discussed and some people were never mentioned.

  Comparing five years ago to now, I still don’t see any similarities. “As a matter of fact, there is nothing the same outside of our friendship.”

  Rosalyn smiles at my words then reaches her hand out across the table and I don’t hesitate to reach my own out to meet hers. “I feel the same. But I meant you and Joshua.” At his name, I reflexively pull my hand back and Rosie continues. “See? Even now, just hearing his name sets you off.”

  Have I become so easy to read around him that my own body betrays the mask I wear? Indifference is what I had always aimed for in his presence but the more indifferent I tried to be, the more he always pushed my buttons.

  “I’m just trying to get through my dad’s funeral and everything is so…” I pause to think of the right word, then offer a sly smile as I complete my sentence, “... different. Nothing is the same anymore and there are some things I never wanted to face that I am going to need to.”

  “Just because you chose not to face them, it doesn’t mean they’ve gone away.” My eyes meet Rosie’s at her words and I instantly know what she’s talking about. “Maybe you should have the talk you wanted to have with your dad, but with Joshua. Maybe that part of him has changed.”

  Rosie’s words take me back to the night I tried to talk to Joshua about some of the boys in my class. He verbally backed me into a corner and I tried to defend myself and tell him some truths about some of the kids who hung around him but he shut me down before I could even get my words out.

  That was the night he told me what he really thought of me. His words echoed that of his friends but coming from him, it somehow crushed me. After that, I never tried to confide in him again. I never defended myself. His opinion of me would never change.

  “No.”

  “No?”

  “No, I won’t be having that talk with Joshua.” My answer lingers in between us for a long minute as I turn my attention to the cake sitting on the table between us.

  “Tell me about Kyle.” Rosie’s change in topic confuses me for a moment but I’m thankful to not be talking about Joshua any longer.

  “Oh. We met at school. He’s nice.” As I speak, I immediately feel defeated again as Rosie stiffens at my choice of word.

  “Nice? Really, Ems? Nice is an aunt who sends you a card on your birthday. Nice was never your type.” She snickers her words at me and I can’t help but laugh.

  “You don’t even know my type, Rosie. I never had a type in high school.” I laugh back.

  “I think we need one more glass of wine before we get the bill.” Rosie speaks directly to the waiter as he saunters up to the table. Then, turning her attention back to me, she continues, “Fair enough. Neither of us dated enough to have a type in high school, but I know you better than anyone. Nice would never have been it. What’s Kyle like, you know, when you’re alone. And if you say nice again, you’re walking home.” She giggles out and I pause.

  As her laughter dies down, I shrug my shoulders as I answer. “Honestly, it wasn’t everything I imagined it would be.” I drop my voice and answer quietly as I notice the waiter returning with our glasses of wine.

  “Wait.” Rosie blurts out, then pauses as the waiter circles around beside her and leaves us with our drinks. Matching my lowered tone, she asks as she leans into the table, “Are you saying Kyle was your first?”

  “He was. You know I don’t like to be... touched. Most guys in uni won’t wait around long enough for a ‘frigid bitch to thaw out’.” I respond actually quoting one of my previous boyfriends.

  “Oh, Emi. I’m so sorry you put up with that garbage. I wish I was there for you.” She starts and the last thing I want is for her to feel sorry for me.

  “Hey, it’s all fine.” I lie, “It was a great way to weed out the losers. Kyle was actually my friend first. He knows a little about our high school years. He was fine with being friends for the longest time.”

  “He sounds like a great guy. I can’t wait to meet him on Wednesday.” She smiles at me, then flashes a mischievous grin, “Now back to when you’re alone, what wasn’t like you imagined?” She asks taking a gulp of her wine and waiting for my response.

  I want to say he was gentle, hesitant and caring, because he was. But that was also what was wrong about it. It was nothing I wanted and it made the entire experience feel awkward. I had reasoned that my first time was bound to feel odd, but the second time was a lot of the same and I began to wonder what was wrong with me.

  I’m a walking oxymoron. I don’t trust anyone quickly and I don’t like to be touched. But the thoughts I have tell a different story.

  Am I incapable of having a caring relationship? When my fantasies drift toward dark rooms and being bound. The gentleness of his touch was lost on me as I closed my eyes and imagined being taken by rough control only to be met with shame when I opened my eyes to find him staring lovingly at me.

  Instead, I breeze passed Rosie’s question with a shrug. “Probably just first time jitters.”

  “Hmmm. Or he’s nice but not your type. I still think you need someone stronger than you are. And you, my darling, are mighty strong.” She smiles and raises her glass in a cheers gesture that I return as I lift my own glass in her direction and we take a sip before she finishes her thought. “Speaking of which, how is everything going with Joshua?”

  “What do you mean?” I ask as nonchalantly as I can manage.

  “Well, two strong-willed individuals such as you both under the same roof. It’s only a matter of time before you both burn that house down. You know that, right?” She looks over the rim of her glass in my direction as she takes her last sip, then places it on the table.

  The look on her face tells me there is more she want to say so I wait. “Speaking about things that haven’t changed, how about your feelings for Joshua? Have those changed? Or just festered?” She asks and now it’s her turn to sit in silence.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I
huff out in a half laugh.

  “Ems, I was always with you. I know you had a crush on him in junior high. You took everything he said and did to heart because you liked him so much.”

  “Everything does change after all then.” I avoid answering with my observation.

  Reaching across the table for the bill, I drop Joshua’s card on top of the little piece of paper and grab my purse, hoping Rosie will get the hint and start getting ready to leave.

  My hopes are dashed when she crosses her arms across her chest and tries again. “Fine. One last question. That sexy little nightie you picked up tonight? Were you thinking about Kyle or Joshua when you bought it?”

  26

  Joshua

  You know it’s time to call it a night when the words on your laptop stop making sense. Glancing at the time, it’s almost eleven o’clock and I suddenly feel exhaustion creeping in.

  I had Sylvia bring my dinner up and I’ve been sitting here since I came home from work trying to tie up some loose ends before they turn into something larger. It doesn’t help that we are down the most important person of the company.

  Adam was not the type of owner to assign everything to those under him and go golfing. He had his hands in everything. He mentored everyone as he worked and he led by example. This made for a lot of strong employees, but it also means he left behind a large amount of responsibilities that need to be reassigned and managed.

  I was briefly interrupted when I heard a commotion followed by some laughter in the hall just before nine. Emilia has only been here for a couple of days but the house felt too empty without her tonight.

  Hearing her move around her room and laughing with her friend settled me and I found an odd comfort in working while she was nearby.